The Perfect Gooddump Fan Photo

She’s not a fan, hell, she doesn’t even follow me on twitter, but if anyone has a profile photo that says, “I love Gooddump” better than this, I’d love to see it. I have to wonder… is the woman in the photo shocked by something she sees in the toilet, embarrassed to be caught in [...]

A Shit to Remember

The title of my blog (Nothing like a Good Dump) is metaphorical. But sometimes I just gotta talk about that shit I took… I didn’t get to take a dump yesterday. Busy. Lazy. Whatever the reason, it never happened. When I woke up this morning, I could feel the log threatening to turtle head its [...]

College Girls and Dog Shit — a Life Lesson

There was this girl I liked in college; we worked together on the underground alternative newspaper, and she was one of those almost exotic nerdy girls. It was all business as we worked through typesetting and production work, but one day I was able to get the casual coffee that turned into the long walk [...]

Jacking off to the Standard Fantasy

I notice my blogs haven’t had their sexual edge to them lately… I’m back to working on that large, internal business development project that took a huge chunk of my brain earlier in the year, and… yeah… I just don’t have a lot of anything left over. I’m doing two things — figuring out how [...]

The Cure for Writers Block(age)

Eat, Work, Eat, Work, Sleep, Work, Eat, Work, Sleep, Work… The joys of being a business owner in America are just beyond belief. That is, I don’t believe there are any. My days lately have been full of problems that only create new problems as I solve them, and my nights have been full of [...]

Hydration — Bigger Shit, Fuller Orgasms, & a Clear CAT Scan

Turns out hydration is a good thing… Bigger shits, bigger orgasms… But I’m getting ahead of myself. I went in for that CAT scan today. One of the things they have you do is drink a lot of water beforehand — apparently they want your bladder full so they can see everything, and like a [...]

Heated Toilet Seats and Ass Douching

I’ve been thinking it might be nice to have a bidet — there’s no room for one in any of the bathrooms I own or manage, but toilet paper just doesn’t seem to do it for me. I mean, sure, it wipes the shit away, but it never really feels like it’s completely clean. What [...]

Other People’s Shit

I really did not expect the huge volume and quality of comments on my blog yesterday about Roman Polanski. Honestly, it was just a quick toss off because I find the vehemence in the press (even Joel McHale on The Soup) to be way out of whack for something that I don’t think anyone really [...]

Plugging the Toilet

My brother recently replaced the toilets in his house. Apparently one of his boys craps so big that he consistently plugged the toilet. This is probably pretty much a guy thing, but then Joe wasn’t that big when he started plugging toilets — it’s not like he had bowels you could park a truck in, [...]

Road Trip — Bad Music and Bad Toilets

I drove about five and a half hours on Thursday, about four hours on Friday, and then another five hours on Saturday. While it’s not that big of a deal (I’ve done plenty of 13 hour driving days in my life), it does get a little wearing being stuck alone in the car that long. [...]