There’s this girl who works at the restaurant down the street from my office who looks JUST LIKE this girl I keep seeing when I’m surfing porn. She’s got the same huge tits, long hair dyed impossibly dark, and the same slutty, kind of pudgy face. I, of course, know what the porn star’s snatch looks like, and, equally “of course” I don’t know what the waitress’s snatch looks like, but I’m guessing they look a lot alike.
I’m not shy, I pretty much blurt out most anything that’s on my mind, and I gotta say, I have a lot of weird shit on my mind. But, I just can’t seem to find an appropriate, even charmingly, off-the-wall, so-inappropriate-it’s-okay appropriate way to say, “Hey, Chrissy, did you know you look just like this girl I wank off to?”
That’s not to say I couldn’t ever say that to a woman, but this woman is bringing me my food and complicated cocktails. She’s forced to interact with me because she’s at work, and it’s just not cool to be that abrupt with your server — your servant, perhaps, but not if she’s on someone else’s payroll.
Hell, if you’ve read my various blogs about fucking employees, you know I don’t go there even when they ARE on my payroll. It’s just not a game of equals — I’ve already won because she’s my subordinate, and fucking with a subordinate takes all the fun out of winning the game.
But, if she and I were out drinking with friends, oh yeah, that would be quite the hand to play. She’d either be flattered or disgusted, but possibly still flattered despite her disgust. It’s a powerful hand to play in the flirty game because it could go so horribly wrong, or so amazingly right.
“He thinks I’m sexy enough to wank off to a picture of a girl who looks like me,” is what I would hope she would be thinking, but I suspect she’s more likely to think, “That is just fucking gross!” as she tries to erase the image of my staring at a picture of her on the computer screen with my dick in one hand and the mouse in another.
But no matter how I drop that kind of a bomb on a girl, you have to remember, it’s a bomb, and if you’re not careful, it might take out one or two of your appendages in the explosion that may follow.
