Pretty girl syndrome

There’s a physical syndrome that stunts girls potential — I call it “pretty girl syndrome.” Girls who never learn how to do anything because they’re just too pretty… Girls who will always need the help of a rich boyfriend or husband because their handicap keeps them from ever being able to change a light bulb or make toast.

It’s not that these pretty girls aren’t smart (okay, some of them aren’t), but they live a sheltered life and never learn how to do anything, other than being pretty. It’s not their fault, no man in his right mind would let his princess fill her own gas tank or trouble her with the fact she needs to change the oil every 4,000 miles.

I’m sure they have full lives in their own, sheltered ways. When they travel they stay in fancy hotels with comfortable beds, eat perfect meals, and see the prettier side of life. They don’t get taken to the nasty parts of town, and they live in an angelic world of pink pillows and crystal wine glasses.

Then the dark side of being a princess starts to settle in. She starts to realize that being pretty is what keeps her man around and the battle begins as she tries to look like she’s 27 as her 20s and then her 30s slowly slip below the horizon behind her.

The fake tits, butt, lips, nails and lashes work for awhile, but the magic can only hide so much, and then her power over men continues to decline. It’s like the Queen becoming the Old Hag in Sleeping beauty — it’s not just her disfigured face that starts to scare men away, it’s her stunted soul.

Not all pretty girls go down the path of stunted lives and stunted souls. I remember Linda Rondstat, who was a total hottie in the 70′s, showing up fat and ugly. She said, “Look, I’m in my 40s, I’ve had kids, and the body isn’t the same one I had in my 20s.” She said it in an almost triumphant way, with the subtext being, “I don’t need to be your Barbie doll anymore.”

It’s surprising to me how many women aren’t prepared to be more than a man’s pet. She’ll have a lifetime of experience, but nothing relevant to doing anything other than hanging on a man’s arm or getting a facial.

Don’t get me wrong — I love pretty women. I even like women with fake tits, butts, lips, nails and lashes (when done right — not Amanda Lapore whose picture is an excellent example of why to avoid the knife). There’s nothing wrong with being pretty, but when I see a woman who can’t walk to the store and buy a carton of milk, it’s almost as pitiful as those Japanese women with the foot bindings that keep them from being able to walk.

It’s not their fault they’re handicapped in the name a beauty, but they are handicapped.

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Comments

  • Lafemmeroar  On June 9, 2011 at 12:33 am

    The scary part is that the second pic is “the real thing” and not photoplasty. What you’ve said is so true. Nothing more pathetic than seeing a 60 year old trying to dress, act and look like a tween.

    • gooddump  On June 9, 2011 at 12:57 am

      No, the scary thing is that Amanda Lapore is only 43 — and I’m 44, which makes her YOUNGER THAN ME… Of course the fact she’s a tranny probably has something to do with her “look”

      I don’t think I’m going to be sleeping well tonight…

  • Alli  On June 9, 2011 at 12:39 am

    Another great and true piece by GD!

  • OregonMJW  On June 9, 2011 at 12:59 am

    Your argument reaches the right conclusion – as far as it goes. The tragedy of Amanda Lapore is not that she has had waaaay to much work done, but that her expression reveals she may not think the results are God-awful and, further, that she believes the myth that men are exclusively about looks. they really aren’t, they’ve just been trained to believe they are.

    A really beautiful woman is a natural woman. None of the items you mention (fake tits, butt, lips, nails and lashes) need apply. Fresh unblemished skin, clean vibrant hair cut to flatter the uncluttered symmetrical face. Body type is almost irrelevant: tall, short, skinny, plump, there will be some man who finds that attractive. Her mind is the most important element; that, and her father. If he loved her, supported her, treated her like she meant something, told her that she’d amount to something even better one day. That confidence – a gift from a beloved, respected male source, at at early age is key to the later confidence that attracts men of her own. That works until about 27-30. After that, she’s done.

    “Pretty Girl Syndrome” is real: Witness the absolute child abuse of the tiny tot “beauty” contests. Imagine being a total failure at 4. It’s not impossible to be sexy, desirable, socially successful and personally fulfilled if you are somewhat less perfect than . . . who? Jennifer Lopez? Heidi Klum? Katherine (or Audrey) Hepburn? How about Janis Joplin? Not too many women as sexy as that. Of course she killed herself with drink. Maybe she just didn’t feel pretty enough . . .damn.

    Most men, on the other hand, get far more attractive as they age. The 40-something geeky guys that now write code, run NASA, teach science in your local high school, or buzz by you on their bikes at the peak of the morning commute were socially inept, acne bemused, nerdy, and nearly undateable boys in high school and even college. Time, education, maturity, a goatee and a seriously expensive bike – like the waiving of a wand – turns them into hotties at 43. Sigh. It;s not really fair you know.

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