The first night I spent with the woman I eventually married, she got drunk and threw herself at me. She worked in a church, was a “good girl” but she really liked me and the way she kept rubbing up against me like a cat made me think I could almost feel her purring… but in a very human way.
I was being good — you’re not supposed to take advantage of drunk girls. So, when she said she was too drunk to drive home, I made up the hide-a-bed in the living room… About 10 minutes later she comes into my room and says, “It’s lonely out there…” and crawls in with me.
Lying there with a warm, pliable woman next to me and a raging hard-on tenting the sheets… I was still good. Well, “good” is a subjective term, and it’s really unlikely that I’d be that “good” these days, but I was young and foolish. All those randy gentlemen from films would always get to this point and say, “No, my dear, it’s simply not done…”
We woke up snuggling in the morning, which led to kissing, which led to heavy making out, which led to her saying, “I have to get to work…” But, she did say she’d come back that night. I do have to say, it was a nice feeling walking around all day thinking to myself, “I’m going to get laid tonight!!!” so there was some consolation.
Years later when we were splitting up, she found out that I had had sex with the woman I was seeing on the side. It was bad enough, apparently, that I fucked this woman in the front seat of the car, but what was worse was that we were both drunk. To be honest, when I quote her as saying, “You’re not the man I married” a big part of it is that I “took advantage” of a drunk woman and she had always felt that first night we had together put me on a higher moral plain than other men. A plain I’ve obviously plummeted from since.
My ex was a good Lutheran woman; I don’t think she knows how many women out there get drunk for the express purpose of having sex. So, the question is whether it’s actually “taking advantage” when she really wants it. Sure, she’s incapacitated now, but when she started drinking she knew exactly what she was doing — she made the decision.
I know this is a very slippery slope. Men have used the “she wanted it” excuse to get out of rape forever, and the real problem is that maybe she did want it when you started, but didn’t want it once you got going — there are no safe words in drunk sex…
Actually, I take that back. I don’t think I’ve had sex with someone who was so incapacitated she couldn’t form words like “no” or “stop” — as I’ve said, I prefer sex with sentient beings and I don’t find a flopsy, inarticulate mass of woman flesh to be much of a turn on.
Of course, drunk GUYS are the problem. They ignore the signs of a woman who has changed her mind. I know I get much more forceful about my needs the more I drink, and I’m sure I get less empathetic about her needs. But it’s no excuse — no means no, whether she’s sober or drunk.
So the real rule is, go ahead, let her lube up her libido with alcohol. Have a couple yourself — but remember you’re in a very tricky spot. If she likes it, then all is okay. If for some reason she hates it but you liked it, and remember, women don’t have to be rational about these things, you could be in a heap of shit.
It’s okay to be bad, you just have to be good at it.
Note: I completely forgot writing on this topic earlier, but in a different vein. See Fucking Drunk Girls if you’re curious about actual sex with drunk women…